Those In Between Days

You know how some days you feel as though you can take on the world? That the Gods are smiling down at you? That everything can turn out alright?

Today was not one of those days.

It started out alright. I woke up, drove my mom to work, and then went to the bank. That's when it started. For the fourth time in the past two weeks, Soveriegn Bank told me to come back another day when they could deal with my Overdraft Issue. So I left the bank angry that I have to travel back there again on Wednesday.

So I decided I'd do something happy. Well, that means a Dunkin' Donuts medium regular coffee with cream and sugar. So I grabbed one. Now, that made things slightly better. I ran home, picked up my sister, and we went to Goodwill. We dropped off some movies and clothes, went inside and did some of our own shopping.

Then we went to the Mall and decided to join in with our materialistic American cohorts. We didn't actually buy anything, except for our donation to Burger King. I did have my eye on a nice pair of boots at Payless, but they were not on sale. Too bad. I could have used some guilty pleasure buying.

We ended up having to drive to Hartford early to pick up my mom, who then wanted to go to Marshall's and then The Puppy Place. After that we drove home to settle in for the night.

Now, two weeks ago I was invited to a Birthday/New Year's Party in Cheshire. After receiving a 'yes' from my mom, I okayed and we started working on a plan to attend. Turns out, I'm not allowed to drive on New Year's Eve. This is frustrating to me, as I've been such a responsible and mature adult. I feel like I'm 14 again. I feel like I'm grounded.

So, rather grudingly my mother agreed to drive me down to Cheshire before Dad has to go to work. It's dificult because last year, when I was depressed, my parents encouraged me to make friends and go out and do things. Now that I try to do that, I'm not allowed. Maybe it would have been better if I'd been a difficult and unruly teenager. Then my parents would understand that it's time to give me a little independence and freedom.

I mean, I'm only in college.

Time to grow up?

"Fear Not"

Anyone who knows me well, knows that religion is not my thing. I was raised by two athiests. My parents are very open and I'm sure if at 15 I'd chosen to convert to Judaism, Catholicism, or even Jehova's Witness, they would have been very accepting.

However, I personally do not believe in God. I'm very spiritual I think, despite my athiesm, and that is what I think is important. I hope to make life better for other people, for the earth, and for myself. I suppose my religion is kindness. That's all I try to do. I do not need a God to help me to do the right thing. And I find that satisfactory for myself.

Some people, though, need God, want God, and hope for God. This does not bother me. I do not think that God is 'evil' or 'stupid' as many of my athiestic cohorts might be found to say. If you believe in God, that's great. Good for you, and I hope you are right because heaven seems like a pretty cool reward for being nice.

Even though I am athiest, I attend church pretty regularly. My mother gets paid to sing with Sacred Heart Church, and whenever I'm able I go along with her. My mother just left South Congregational Church in Hartford due to the anti-gay, anti-music, anti-women minister. What surprised both my mom and myself about the Catholic church was it's liberal outlook. Father DeVito, the priest at Sacred Heart gave a sermon this morning, at the Midnight mass about Fear. It was a facinating sermon and very moving at times. He encouraged the congregation to "Fear Not" and spoke of the fear we have of our leaders, our friends, our coworkers, and of our lives. He said that fear and anxiety were not good and that Jesus told his people to "be not afraid."

I think this message is an important one. Whether you are religious or not the value cannot be lost. In today's world we are constantly being made afraid. Is someone spying on me? Is that man a terrorist? Will I make it home safely in traffic? Will global warming destroy the Earth? Was 9/11 the work of our government? Can my child walk to school safely? Is that man wearing the trenchcoat a robber? a rapist? a murderer? ...

We are an afraid people. We fear each working day and each night as we lie in bed. Our world is globalizing as we speak. I can pick up my cell phone right now and dial a friend in Korea. I can get on my I-Pod (if I had one...) and listen to any of a thousand songs at the click of a button. With this comes the expansion of an entire network of people. Whereas my great-grandparents had the next door neighbors to worry about, my generation fears people in other time zones, in other countries, and on the other side of the world.

Father DeVito was right. We need to be not afraid. We need to not fear each other or ourselves. As Regina says, "'Cause people are just people like you." We need to bond together and become a stronger, happier world.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!

Why One Should Marry A CS Major

So, since I fail at computer-life, I will have to just post the link as opposed to the actual youtube.com video. I happened across it while clicking that 'Next Blog' button.

(You know, as a side note, someone should really require each blog to have that button at the top bar, because if it's missing, you have to backtrack to the previous blog and press the 'Next Blog' button again. It's very frustrating!)

It's a neat little video of a anti-homosexual rally at Stanford University by these old guys. Parental Advisory: there may be a little kissing near the end!

Aww, Christmas Brings Out the Best ....

... or worst. Listen to this recording of O Holy Night. It makes me cringe a little, but I don't notice in between the hysterical laughter. Enjoy and have a Merry Christmas.

5:30 AM

I'm not quite sure why I'm posting anything right now. I should be finishing my Jazz Theory composition and then collecting study materials for my Microbiology Exam. However, if I go back down to the floor and try and write a melody line right now, I will collapse and fall asleep. So, I'm making some Irish breakfast tea and taking a momentary break from the homework. I haven't really slept in 2 days so forgive me if I'm incoherent or my statements are illogical. Hmmm... I don't even think there is a point to this post; other than the obvious procrastination usuage and fun which comes with writing something about nothing. Look! Something shiny!!!

Theory # 1

You must work for the wonderful things in life, for without the work you would not know the value - Siobhan T. Barton

Where I'd Rather Be...

Just wishing I could be here right now. The smell of the burning wood, and having my cup of Irish tea... it almost hurts. Why aren't I there now?

On the Subject of Love

It's interesting the things you discover after 6 cups of coffee and 45 sleepless hours. Why, just today I found out that true love exists. I wish I was speaking of myself, however maybe it is better that it isn't me. My friend told me a story about true love today that would make even the most misanthropic, miserable miser believe in a happily ever after.

After an endless night full of chicken bits, I began the day late and homeworkless for Jazz Theory, and followed it with a two hour nap in which I skipped a meeting with Professor John Delorey and a homework session for Jazz Theory with my friend Krista. I stumbled to my class in which my sleep-stealing, 15 page paper was due, and found some of my dearest friends glad to see me.

After two hours of preparing for a project presentation, we returned to DAKA (the school cafe) and had a shared meal. After which, my friend returned to my dorm with me and gave me a wonderful, ahem, I mean "terrible" massage. During which I asked him to tell me a happy story.

He then proceeded to tell me about his true love and I have never believed in the idea more than then. Even after watching the Princess Bride, true love never seemed more real than when he explained how he felt around his love and how much he missed and longed for her. All I could think of were the endless Irish love songs and ballads.

I truly believe that true love exists. I'm still unsure of what it really is, and I do not think I will ever fully know. It is someone with whom you share a bond stronger than any known to man. It is a comradary meant to overcome all evils and troubles; my thousand loves -- Mo mhile gra.

I hope that someday I get to experience this love. However I think I have been looking for it in the wrong way. Mabye Kahil Gibran had it right, "And think not, you can direct the course of love; for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course." Whether or not God exists, or if there is a plan which we are all destined to follow, true love is there if only we are brave enough to accept it into our hearts.

Butterfingers

I just tried one for the first time. I'm not too fond...

Delmarva: Full of Chicken?

In my Great Problem Seminar: Feed the World class, I am currently researching dead zones in the Delmarva region. My team and I are looking to aid the Chesapeake Bay fisheries, who have seen a serious depletion in their fish intake. The fish, crabs, and other organisms are moving on to other places due to their habitat being overrun by algae blooms. The algae blooms form due to increased levels of nitrogen and other nutrients in the water. Now, the Delmarva region is known for its heavy chicken industry. These chicken farms have large amounts of chicken waste to deal with. To not waste it, they fertilize their grounds with it. However, due to the large amounts of waste, a great deal runs off into local estuaries, which flow into the Chesapeake Bay. This run-off has a high nitrogen content, which then fuels the growth of algae. The algae absorbs all of the dissolved oxygen in the area, as well as cuts off sunlight to the sea grass below. This habitat destruction is why the fisheries have found a decreased amount of fish in the area. It is this issue that my team and I are trying to solve.

Our first plan of action is to make the public aware of the issue. Hopefully, with their help, we can convince state officials of the area to form a stricter set of guidelines which chicken farmers much follow. Presently, the regulations for chicken waste dumpage are very lax and not enforced. By clamping down on how much chicken waste farmers can dump on their fields and into local waterways, we can reduce the nitrogen content of the Chesapeake Bay area, and hopefully enough so that the algae blooms die off and the fish, crabs and other organisms that have been displaced may return home.

Since chicken farmers require excess fields on which to dump their waste, the regulation of the waste dumpage would allow them to either sell the excess fields, or use them for profit. Either way, allowing the chicken waste to be given up, for free. Now, you may be curious as to who would want chicken waste. Most people do not go to the store saying, "Hmmm, I think I'll get some chicken feces today!" However, farmers can use the chicken waste in place of synthetic fertilizers. Therefore, there would be a competitive market for the chicken waste. The enforcement of stricter guidelines for farmers would allow for this new opportunity for entrenpenouers.

Our mechanisms for the enforcement of such rules would be a series of steps. First, we will hand in a report dictating the problem in Delmarva, and provide a set of possible solutions. These will include regulations for farmers, observations from the area, data that would provide recommendations for a certain level of chicken farmer to dispose of their waste in a manner other than fertilization. Second, the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) would send inspectors to the farms to make sure that the farmers are disposing of their waste appropriately. If not, a set of fines would be in place. Third, our team is creating a digital story which will help raise awareness about the dead zones in the Chesapeake Bay. It will convey the issue and our goal to solve it.

In order to assess if our work has been of any help to the Delmarva fisheries, we will analyze the nutrient content of the Chesapeake Bay to see if any decrease in the nitrogen content has been seen. We will also check with the EPA to see if farmers are obeying the new regulations and that the run-off has appropriately dissipated. We will also be observing the chicken waste fertilizer market to see if it is competitive and surviving. If all of this is in order, we will know that our work has gone to the betterment of the world.

When my partner, Nate Merrill, first chose this I couldn't believe what I was going to be studying. However, his personal excitement at discovering a hidden patent that would easily burn off the excess chicken waste, showed me that there is more to this science thing after all. I may be a writer, but still, it's kind of neat to know that you could be helping to save the world, right?

So the next time you're near the Chesapeake Bay, check it out! Hopefully by the time you see it, there will be a lot more fish and a lot fewer algae blooms.

Flying High over WPI

This is the place where my future lies... for now. It's pretty beautiful I think. My dormitory is to the right of where this photo is taken. I live in Institute Hall, which is down the hill, through the woods, and across the street. Sort of like Grandma's house =D

Uncustomary Delays, College, and Life: 2007

Hello everyone! I apologize for the uncustomary delay in my posting, but blogger wanted to be a booger for quite some time, and wouldn't let me create new posts. However, I'm back up and running, and looking forward to updating theoretical deviation with news about college, life, and exciting new information as often as possible!

So, as you are most likely aware, I'm attending Worcester Polytechnic Institute right now. Until most recently I was an Environmental Engineering major, however, I am now in the Professional Writing Program: Major and also a Music Minor, so I am now officially a part of the large statistic of major-changing college students. That's alright though, because I already feel happier in my new major. For those of you unaware, Professional Writing at WPI is similar to Technical Writing -- where you are educated on how to write for magazines, newspapers, or your own pleasure. I decided to switch since I was obviously enjoying the writing portion of all of my science classes more than any other part. Maybe one day you'll see me as Chief Editor of Scientific American, who knows?

Besides the actual coursework, there is the extracurricular activites in which I'm involved. I sing in Alden Voices (the Chorale), Festival Chorus (the open Chorus), Technichords (WPI's No-fella, A Capella), Vocal Performance Lab (VPL - a chamber group), and RNA (Rhythmically Naughty A Capella - a four-part a capella group formed by friends :-P). I also arrange music for these groups, which is really exciting! Besides singing, I also play cello, help GAEA -- the Environmental Club, knit, dance, and read! I'm never without something to do.

There is of course the dorm-residence, which isn't actually that bad. My room is rather small, but since one of my roommates has migrated upstairs with her boyfriend, it isn't too confining. My other roommate is one of my best friends here, and it makes for great living quarters. Also, many of my friends are upper-classmen, and have apartments all around campus, so I can go there and relax if necessary. The one great thing about college is that you are never short on friends. I have so many wonderful friends who are always there, and if they're are reading this (which they should be, grrrr) they know I'm talking about them.

Life itself is rather boring. I'm plugging along through all of my school stuff and singing stuff, and trying not to let the little things get to me. With all the stress that school causes, I can't let the things which aren't truly problems bother me. Who needs a boyfriend? I mean, it's always nice to know you're loved, but why is it something for which I am striving? It's interesting because I know I have options: at a school where the ration of men to women is 3:1, you are almost guaranteed an admirer of sorts, but none of those whom I am aware of are options for myself. I've found I have this great gift, though, for falling for already taken men. So, if you're looking for a guy who has a girlfriend, ask me! I'm sure I can point them out to you. Other than that, I'm just keeping up.

Other than that, I've not much else to write. I suppose I would reccoment reading The People's Act of Love by James Meek and listening to some good bands, maybe Copper Tree, for instance. And, as always, I would say have a wonderful day and keep in touch!

I Don't Wanna Grow Up - High School Graduation 2007

You know, it astounds me as to how fast these past 18 years have gone by. As I lined up to recieve my "diploma" onstage (it was actually empty and we had to go backstage to recieve the real ones), I spent the moment reflecting on how easily I remember being a child, and how Peter Pan was right, and I won't grow up ...

Here I am preparing to go off to college, to WPI! I'm getting ready to buy my school supplies, and color coordinate my folders, notes, and notebooks. I'm 18 now. I can buy some illicit substances ( not that I want to) and I have a credit/debit card now. All of these things that are 'grown-up' in nature, and I'm doing them!

And, to be honest, some of them are fun. Driving the car is my all-time favorite because it alludes to a sort of freedom that isn't experienced anywhere else that I know of. However, most of these adult duties are scary, and I just want to return back to my teddy bears and naptimes and forget about everything else.

But then I think how if there weren't teachers there, and lunch ladies, and annoying PTA moms, well, those childhood moments wouldn't have existed. I, a slightly weaker emotionally child, would have been squished by more assertive children and we would experience a Lord of the Flies situation, and we don't want that to happen, do we?

I suppose what I'm trying to articulate is that despite the beauty and wonderfulness of being a child, and despite the fact that I don't want to be an adult and that my duties as such terrify me, It's time for me to give it up. My next job is to make childhood for others the wonderful experience it was for me. It's like accepting the inevitability of death; once you've accepted that its going to happen, all you can really do is make the limited number of days you have left worth something more than they were before.

I don't try to give advice or make stunning new epiphanies, but I think I personally have gained something from reading this over. Something about growing up and moving on. I hope you understand it as well, and can take something away from my endless ramblings.

So, after experiencing graduation, after giving up high school and its safety net for college and its endless opportunities, this is what I think: I'm going to miss my friends and teachers so very much as I turn down a different path, but I know that it's for the best, and that I am going to follow Ghandi's wisdom. "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Back From a Long Journey

Well!! It's nice to write on here again! I'm sorry that I haven't been around recently, but all of the blogging stuff had to change, so it took me quite a long time to switch over to the google accounts.



A quick update on things: On August 19th, I'm leaving early in the morning, with our car packed to the brims, for WPI (Worcester Polytechnic Institute) where I'll be attending college as an Environmental Engineer major. However, before that happens, I am leaving on June 27th for Ireland!! Thanks Mom and Dad for the wonderful birthday/graduation surprise.



More importantly, I am graduating this Thursday, June 21st at around 8 p.m. It's very strange but I just don't feel as though school is over. I mean, it is. I'm done with classes and all I have left to do is sing and graduate, some of my most favorite pasttimes. But I always had supposed that finishing high school would leave me with some feeling of extreme joy; a.k.a. leaping in the air and singing "The Rain is Over and Gone." But I just came home like regular and checked my facebook and WPI email ( stbarton@wpi.edu) and such. It was boring! I'm hoping that after graduation I have some feeling in my body of happiness. I'm not sad about graduating, so I don't know why I keep expressing sadness. I'll blame in on hormones...



Well, I'm glad to be back finally and able to post. I've found that theoretical deviation is just about one of the most exciting blogs out there, so please, keep on reading!