Those In Between Days

You know how some days you feel as though you can take on the world? That the Gods are smiling down at you? That everything can turn out alright?

Today was not one of those days.

It started out alright. I woke up, drove my mom to work, and then went to the bank. That's when it started. For the fourth time in the past two weeks, Soveriegn Bank told me to come back another day when they could deal with my Overdraft Issue. So I left the bank angry that I have to travel back there again on Wednesday.

So I decided I'd do something happy. Well, that means a Dunkin' Donuts medium regular coffee with cream and sugar. So I grabbed one. Now, that made things slightly better. I ran home, picked up my sister, and we went to Goodwill. We dropped off some movies and clothes, went inside and did some of our own shopping.

Then we went to the Mall and decided to join in with our materialistic American cohorts. We didn't actually buy anything, except for our donation to Burger King. I did have my eye on a nice pair of boots at Payless, but they were not on sale. Too bad. I could have used some guilty pleasure buying.

We ended up having to drive to Hartford early to pick up my mom, who then wanted to go to Marshall's and then The Puppy Place. After that we drove home to settle in for the night.

Now, two weeks ago I was invited to a Birthday/New Year's Party in Cheshire. After receiving a 'yes' from my mom, I okayed and we started working on a plan to attend. Turns out, I'm not allowed to drive on New Year's Eve. This is frustrating to me, as I've been such a responsible and mature adult. I feel like I'm 14 again. I feel like I'm grounded.

So, rather grudingly my mother agreed to drive me down to Cheshire before Dad has to go to work. It's dificult because last year, when I was depressed, my parents encouraged me to make friends and go out and do things. Now that I try to do that, I'm not allowed. Maybe it would have been better if I'd been a difficult and unruly teenager. Then my parents would understand that it's time to give me a little independence and freedom.

I mean, I'm only in college.

Time to grow up?

"Fear Not"

Anyone who knows me well, knows that religion is not my thing. I was raised by two athiests. My parents are very open and I'm sure if at 15 I'd chosen to convert to Judaism, Catholicism, or even Jehova's Witness, they would have been very accepting.

However, I personally do not believe in God. I'm very spiritual I think, despite my athiesm, and that is what I think is important. I hope to make life better for other people, for the earth, and for myself. I suppose my religion is kindness. That's all I try to do. I do not need a God to help me to do the right thing. And I find that satisfactory for myself.

Some people, though, need God, want God, and hope for God. This does not bother me. I do not think that God is 'evil' or 'stupid' as many of my athiestic cohorts might be found to say. If you believe in God, that's great. Good for you, and I hope you are right because heaven seems like a pretty cool reward for being nice.

Even though I am athiest, I attend church pretty regularly. My mother gets paid to sing with Sacred Heart Church, and whenever I'm able I go along with her. My mother just left South Congregational Church in Hartford due to the anti-gay, anti-music, anti-women minister. What surprised both my mom and myself about the Catholic church was it's liberal outlook. Father DeVito, the priest at Sacred Heart gave a sermon this morning, at the Midnight mass about Fear. It was a facinating sermon and very moving at times. He encouraged the congregation to "Fear Not" and spoke of the fear we have of our leaders, our friends, our coworkers, and of our lives. He said that fear and anxiety were not good and that Jesus told his people to "be not afraid."

I think this message is an important one. Whether you are religious or not the value cannot be lost. In today's world we are constantly being made afraid. Is someone spying on me? Is that man a terrorist? Will I make it home safely in traffic? Will global warming destroy the Earth? Was 9/11 the work of our government? Can my child walk to school safely? Is that man wearing the trenchcoat a robber? a rapist? a murderer? ...

We are an afraid people. We fear each working day and each night as we lie in bed. Our world is globalizing as we speak. I can pick up my cell phone right now and dial a friend in Korea. I can get on my I-Pod (if I had one...) and listen to any of a thousand songs at the click of a button. With this comes the expansion of an entire network of people. Whereas my great-grandparents had the next door neighbors to worry about, my generation fears people in other time zones, in other countries, and on the other side of the world.

Father DeVito was right. We need to be not afraid. We need to not fear each other or ourselves. As Regina says, "'Cause people are just people like you." We need to bond together and become a stronger, happier world.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all!

Why One Should Marry A CS Major

So, since I fail at computer-life, I will have to just post the link as opposed to the actual youtube.com video. I happened across it while clicking that 'Next Blog' button.

(You know, as a side note, someone should really require each blog to have that button at the top bar, because if it's missing, you have to backtrack to the previous blog and press the 'Next Blog' button again. It's very frustrating!)

It's a neat little video of a anti-homosexual rally at Stanford University by these old guys. Parental Advisory: there may be a little kissing near the end!

Aww, Christmas Brings Out the Best ....

... or worst. Listen to this recording of O Holy Night. It makes me cringe a little, but I don't notice in between the hysterical laughter. Enjoy and have a Merry Christmas.

5:30 AM

I'm not quite sure why I'm posting anything right now. I should be finishing my Jazz Theory composition and then collecting study materials for my Microbiology Exam. However, if I go back down to the floor and try and write a melody line right now, I will collapse and fall asleep. So, I'm making some Irish breakfast tea and taking a momentary break from the homework. I haven't really slept in 2 days so forgive me if I'm incoherent or my statements are illogical. Hmmm... I don't even think there is a point to this post; other than the obvious procrastination usuage and fun which comes with writing something about nothing. Look! Something shiny!!!

Theory # 1

You must work for the wonderful things in life, for without the work you would not know the value - Siobhan T. Barton

Where I'd Rather Be...

Just wishing I could be here right now. The smell of the burning wood, and having my cup of Irish tea... it almost hurts. Why aren't I there now?

On the Subject of Love

It's interesting the things you discover after 6 cups of coffee and 45 sleepless hours. Why, just today I found out that true love exists. I wish I was speaking of myself, however maybe it is better that it isn't me. My friend told me a story about true love today that would make even the most misanthropic, miserable miser believe in a happily ever after.

After an endless night full of chicken bits, I began the day late and homeworkless for Jazz Theory, and followed it with a two hour nap in which I skipped a meeting with Professor John Delorey and a homework session for Jazz Theory with my friend Krista. I stumbled to my class in which my sleep-stealing, 15 page paper was due, and found some of my dearest friends glad to see me.

After two hours of preparing for a project presentation, we returned to DAKA (the school cafe) and had a shared meal. After which, my friend returned to my dorm with me and gave me a wonderful, ahem, I mean "terrible" massage. During which I asked him to tell me a happy story.

He then proceeded to tell me about his true love and I have never believed in the idea more than then. Even after watching the Princess Bride, true love never seemed more real than when he explained how he felt around his love and how much he missed and longed for her. All I could think of were the endless Irish love songs and ballads.

I truly believe that true love exists. I'm still unsure of what it really is, and I do not think I will ever fully know. It is someone with whom you share a bond stronger than any known to man. It is a comradary meant to overcome all evils and troubles; my thousand loves -- Mo mhile gra.

I hope that someday I get to experience this love. However I think I have been looking for it in the wrong way. Mabye Kahil Gibran had it right, "And think not, you can direct the course of love; for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course." Whether or not God exists, or if there is a plan which we are all destined to follow, true love is there if only we are brave enough to accept it into our hearts.

Butterfingers

I just tried one for the first time. I'm not too fond...