I Don't Wanna Grow Up - High School Graduation 2007

You know, it astounds me as to how fast these past 18 years have gone by. As I lined up to recieve my "diploma" onstage (it was actually empty and we had to go backstage to recieve the real ones), I spent the moment reflecting on how easily I remember being a child, and how Peter Pan was right, and I won't grow up ...

Here I am preparing to go off to college, to WPI! I'm getting ready to buy my school supplies, and color coordinate my folders, notes, and notebooks. I'm 18 now. I can buy some illicit substances ( not that I want to) and I have a credit/debit card now. All of these things that are 'grown-up' in nature, and I'm doing them!

And, to be honest, some of them are fun. Driving the car is my all-time favorite because it alludes to a sort of freedom that isn't experienced anywhere else that I know of. However, most of these adult duties are scary, and I just want to return back to my teddy bears and naptimes and forget about everything else.

But then I think how if there weren't teachers there, and lunch ladies, and annoying PTA moms, well, those childhood moments wouldn't have existed. I, a slightly weaker emotionally child, would have been squished by more assertive children and we would experience a Lord of the Flies situation, and we don't want that to happen, do we?

I suppose what I'm trying to articulate is that despite the beauty and wonderfulness of being a child, and despite the fact that I don't want to be an adult and that my duties as such terrify me, It's time for me to give it up. My next job is to make childhood for others the wonderful experience it was for me. It's like accepting the inevitability of death; once you've accepted that its going to happen, all you can really do is make the limited number of days you have left worth something more than they were before.

I don't try to give advice or make stunning new epiphanies, but I think I personally have gained something from reading this over. Something about growing up and moving on. I hope you understand it as well, and can take something away from my endless ramblings.

So, after experiencing graduation, after giving up high school and its safety net for college and its endless opportunities, this is what I think: I'm going to miss my friends and teachers so very much as I turn down a different path, but I know that it's for the best, and that I am going to follow Ghandi's wisdom. "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Back From a Long Journey

Well!! It's nice to write on here again! I'm sorry that I haven't been around recently, but all of the blogging stuff had to change, so it took me quite a long time to switch over to the google accounts.



A quick update on things: On August 19th, I'm leaving early in the morning, with our car packed to the brims, for WPI (Worcester Polytechnic Institute) where I'll be attending college as an Environmental Engineer major. However, before that happens, I am leaving on June 27th for Ireland!! Thanks Mom and Dad for the wonderful birthday/graduation surprise.



More importantly, I am graduating this Thursday, June 21st at around 8 p.m. It's very strange but I just don't feel as though school is over. I mean, it is. I'm done with classes and all I have left to do is sing and graduate, some of my most favorite pasttimes. But I always had supposed that finishing high school would leave me with some feeling of extreme joy; a.k.a. leaping in the air and singing "The Rain is Over and Gone." But I just came home like regular and checked my facebook and WPI email ( stbarton@wpi.edu) and such. It was boring! I'm hoping that after graduation I have some feeling in my body of happiness. I'm not sad about graduating, so I don't know why I keep expressing sadness. I'll blame in on hormones...



Well, I'm glad to be back finally and able to post. I've found that theoretical deviation is just about one of the most exciting blogs out there, so please, keep on reading!

Wasted Day

This picture of my cat, Casmir, basically establishes a visual for my entire day. I did NOTHING! I laid in bed with my laptop next to me and spent the part of the day I wasn't sleeping fooling around on there. Casmir has me beat, but only by a small margin.

I wish I could cite something absolutely amazing that I did today. But that would be a lie. For the first time as far back as I can remember, I slept until 2:00 p.m. Upon waking, I took my dog outside, made my sister and I something to eat, and then retired to my room where I lay down next to my laptop and watched five episodes of Monty Python's Flying Circus.

My mom came home and we all took Cugel, my basset hound, to the vet. There he was proclaimed healthy, though a little lean. We came back home and I yet again retired to my room to watch MORE Monty Python's Flying Circus. Do you know that some people were testing cures for cancer today? Others were fighting for their lives in Iraq. Still others at least managed to find two matching socks. I wore flip-flops. I feel like a lazy slob.

Well, I am thankful that I did post on theoretical deviation today. At least I did SOMETHING valuable and useful.

Slave to the System

So, I have become a slave to the system. Once you begin, you can never turn back. I am scared and excited, like Little Red Riding Hood in Into The Woods. I can not turn back. What will become of me? Is my entire future dependent on how I begin?

And to never be able to escape. Eternal enslavement. How does our entire world just let this injustice slide by. Surely some organization has been formed to fight this! I'll join and work with them to fight this evil.

But for now I must bow my head, stand before the alter of injustice and pray. Because without this evil, I cannot survive. How would I transport myself from one place to another? I would die a homeless woman. There is absolutely no way to survive without this system. That is, until we fight back. But, I shall wait in the wings and hope that some day it will change. Ghandi says to be the change you want to see in the world. I am sorry Ghandi. I would like to follow your advice, however I do not have the courage or willpower.

Oh, the job is at Highland Park Market.